Rewind and Play

1997

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Alice

I was sitting on the bus, that morning, in my usual place. I was going to school with both the CD and the cassette players, so I could listen to Samuel’s mixtape on repeat. Not that I would’ve told anyone I was obsessed with it. Back then, there were two things that could make me completely and absolutely happy: a good book (I was already fairly judgy, because I had already read plenty of turds), and good music.

The mixtape made me very happy. Despite the fact that, after our encounter at the Disco Cometa, I had barely seen Samuel. He was not on the bus every day, recently, and when he was, he was sitting next to Vittoria.

He was saying hello and goodbye, but he wasn’t stopping to chat, or even really looking at me. It was a bit weird. Not that I was listening in, but the lovebirds weren’t talking much, either. Not my problem, anyway.

I kept listening to the mixtape, knowing that he had put a lot of thought into it and that surely mattered.

On the plus side of the stupid month of February (or, as I used – and still do – call it, “the Tuesday of the year”), my grades were starting to pick up and rise from simple pass to decency, at least.

I had been going to the play rehearsals quite often. The show was finally starting to get into shape but a lot of work was still ahead of the sprawling cast. Govi was also getting marginally better, his forte being memory and his downfall the fact that whenever he wanted to sound strained and suffering the tone was always that of a toddler throwing a tantrum. I hoped he could work on that.

Our making out sessions were becoming less and less frequent, but I didn’t mind. I was ok with the temporary bliss of being able to orbit around him and I had made the most of it, already. By now, I attended the rehearsals mainly to support Clara and Marta, who, unlike Govi, were splendid in their roles. I couldn’t wait to see them perform. The show was going to be on the premises of some old wine-making facilities. They were going to keep it real, with real torches being the only light provided, and enormous casks on the background. The focus would be on the acting.

Poor Govi.

I pressed play on the cassette player and Liam Gallagher started to whine his way through “Slide Away”. I was not too fond of Liam. Samuel and I used to have a running argument on the “cool brother” versus the “actual musician”.

Despite trying to be cool about it, thinking of Samuel made me slightly sad.

The music was quite loud in my ears, so much so that I didn’t hear the commotion until it reached a volume that pierced through it.

Puzzled, I removed the earphones and listened to Vittoria and Samuel’s voices, raised in what seemed to be an explosive argument.

Everyone on the bus was frozen in place and you could hear a pin drop.

“Let’s put a stop to this, Sam,” Vittoria was saying, a tad too loudly, in my opinion: “Why are you even going out with me if you don’t give a shit? I just told you that I made out with Giacomo, and you just, literally, shrugged? What the fuck, man!”

Whoops.

At the same time, ballsy of Vittoria, I didn’t think she would have it in her.

Samuel murmured something that Alice couldn’t make out and the answer to that was: “Fuck. Off. Go sit somewhere else.”

I felt like sliding down in the seat on behalf of Samuel, such was the second-hand embarrassment I was experiencing. Instead, after some shuffling, I felt, more than saw, Samuel dropping next to me with a huff.

After thirty seconds of silence, people started going back to their business.

“Having a good start of the day?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking innocently, earphones now around my neck.

I was trying really hard not to laugh in his face, but, boy, that had been a scene teenagers in Castelnuovo would be talking about for ages.

Samuel turned around slowly and just gave me a flat stare: “You know, I didn’t miss you at all.”

Then, without preamble, a huff of laughter exploded from his mouth. He slapped a hand to his lips but there was nothing he could do; hilarity was bubbling up.

He clearly didn’t want Vittoria to see him laughing, so he buried his face in my coat. His hair was tickling my jaw while he was shaking against my shoulder.

I watched on, bemused and thoroughly enjoying his presence.

After another minute or so, the attack started to subside and he composed himself, straightening up and wiping tears off his eyes.

“Ok, that wasn’t necessarily what I was expecting. You ok?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting her to be so… Eh, straightforward. It’s not like we have been doing much. After Carnival we started seeing one another less and less, and it seemed like she didn’t enjoy my company very much anymore. I just wouldn’t have picked this exact moment to break it off.” Samuel nudged me in the side: “Still better than a little letter, though.”

I glared at him: “I didn’t miss you either! I can still throw you out of the seat, you know.”

“You won’t. You actually like me. So, what are you listening to?”

Oh, my face did go crimson then.

Today, I had not expected to share earphones, especially not with Samuel.

I started to say, all the while fumbling with the backpack to get out the CD player: “I just bought the latest Nick Cave, if you want…”

Samuel grabbed an earphone and plugged it in his ear: “Don’t worry Ali, put this on, it’s less of a hassle.”

Schooling my features in what I was hoping was a collected and blasé mask, I pressed play. Liam resumed his whining and Samuel stayed quiet for a second. Then, he turned towards me, looking very smug, he was so pleased with himself: “You did miss me! I knew it!”

I punched him in the arm lightly and turned to look out of the window, trying to hide a smile.