Rewind and Play

1996

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Samuel

Alice decided to follow my advice. Clara and herself invited the school mates they did stomach the most to come to the party, which would be held the first Saturday of November, close to both their actual birthdays.

Then, they would invite some of the guys who used to go to same primary school with: the likes of Vittoria, who used to be her best friend in elementary school but ever since Clara came into the picture had been firmly supplanted, thanks also to the fact that they were going to different secondary schools; she was still friendly with Vittoria, who would take care of inviting some people of her own. They expected around twenty-five people in total. Enough to look like a party and to make their mothers, but mainly Anna, happy.

October went by in a flash. The most notable thing about it was that we had still not found common ground in our America versus Britain music argument.

When the day of the party arrived, my idea was to arrive fashionably late, together with my cool friends. By cool, I mean three years older than everyone else. That made us incredibly cool by literal birth.

Alice had ranted aplenty about her mom making a big fuss out of what she was going to wear, about how she was going to decorate the garage, about the playlist. The playlist, I helped with. The rest I could not really do much about, besides being a good friend and being there for her.

In a way, I envied her relationship with her family.

My dad left us when I was five, and I had to step up as the man of the house very fucking early. It’s not an uncommon story, but it’s hard nonetheless to be the person your mother relies on for moral comfort and support from such a young age. It’s probably the reason why my sense of humour is so strong. I learned to laugh at life, because what else was there to do?

That’s why I enjoyed the most gruesome details about Alice and Anna’s relationship. Theirs seemed like a more functional family than mine anyway.

My family was the three of us trying desperately not to sink through life, clinging to one another with all our might. My mom never recovered fully from being left by my dad, who only came home when he was finished polishing off the money my mother was still stupidly giving him. Still, my childhood memories are actually quite good. The beauty of living in a small village means that you don’t need much to get a decent life on very little money.

Looking back at it, my family was short a very important member, but my mom never made me organise a party when I didn’t want to, for whatever fucked up reason. No wonder Alice left the village as soon as she could.

Alice told me what she was going to wear on Saturday, a short black dress bought by Anna at the local weekly market and white Converse. Sounded all right to me, although Anna had apparently commented “That’s not super feminine, but it will do anyway”.

That night, I went to Nico’s, where some of our friends were already playing videogames, a few beers on the coffee table. Nico had accepted to go to this party before going out to the one and only pub of the village.

I hated it with a passion, but I hated leaving Nico to Alice without supervision much more.

Nico and myself were not proper friends; we were more like friends with benefits. I benefited of his consoles, and that was mainly it. I didn’t like that he was a spoiled brat, but then again, he did have some actual friends who were nice, and I could endure that if I could play free games at his house every once in a while. Plus, I wasn’t really doing this for my own benefit, was I.

When we got to the party, it was quickly evident that the vibes were all off.

A stereo was sitting in one corner, CD already playing the Spice Girls. A table had been set up in the opposite corner with food and some non-alcoholic beverages.

The place was dark, only some artistically placed lamps bathing it in soft, mellow colours.

I assessed the situation. What was clearly two different groups were standing awkwardly in the general vicinity of one another, the teenager version of water and oil. Someone with a flowery dress, most likely Clara, was standing awkwardly in one corner. Ferrying between the two groups, a slightly frantic looking Alice.

She was frantic, but she looked fantastic. You are a shit mom, Anna, but thanks for that black dress.

There was another girl, who was wearing a pleated skirt, talking to Clara. It looked like her skirt was worth some money, so that one must be Vittoria? Alice told me that her family was well-off. She was kinda cute but looked like she didn’t want to be here. That made many of us. I would have given anything to be talking music with Alice in her bedroom. Maybe Clara could have been invited to, because thinking of Alice and me in the same room alone was far too distracting and I needed to be at the top of my game.

Nico murmured, behind me: “Wow, this is incredibly lame.”

I strode right in, and started greeting the San Giuliano people. I could see they liked that we had brought beer, and that we were exotic by being older. We fanned out and shortly later, some semblance of conversation was being conducted across the board, the two groups having finally come together.

I felt a tug on my sleeve, and I looked down to see Alice, beaming up at me.

I excused myself and walked over to one side of the room, only to be pulled in a fierce hug: “Thanks, Sami. Really.”

Delighted to help my friend, but even more delighted to be able to hug her and feel her against me, I reciprocated and then, so that it wouldn’t be too weird, went on to hug the one I thought was Clara: “Happy birthday, girls!”

I leaned in, then said, low enough that it was only for our little group’s ears: “Phase-two is also a go.” I discreetly indicated Nico and I made myself scarce, asking for the toilet.

I had had a couple of beers, but I had to keep my cool or, instead of helping Alice, I would just make a fool of myself.

On my way back, I heard Clara’s voice, near the CD station, which was out of view:

“You didn’t tell me he was that pretty.”

Alice replied: “Who? Samuel? I suppose you could consider him pretty, yeah.”

“He seems very nice and he seems to like you very much.”

“Well, he’s my friend after all. You would’ve done the same.”

“Hell no, I would have left you to drown in this shitshow!”

I made myself known to the two of them: “Pssst.”

They turned around and saw me, a slight deer in the headlight look about them.

I pretended like I had not heard a word when Clara waved at me, saying: “Thanks for saving the party, Samuel,” and left to go talk to Vittoria.  

“Hey,” Alice said, leaning a little on the wall behind her.

“It is a nice party, I must say” I said, leaning on the wall next to her and scanning the room.

I offered my beer bottle in silence. Alice, looking slightly nervous, accepted it.

She gave it a swig, and looked like she had just swallowed vomit.

“First time?” I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

“Yup. It must be good if everyone is drinking it, so I’ll keep trying.” She chuckled. “It would have been carnage, if you hadn’t come. Thanks for saving my ass, Sami.”

“Anything to save that ass of yours, Ali.”

I should not have said that. But beers, right?

I realised at that point that we were both standing in a secluded area of the already dark garage. Alice was leaning on the wall, so, so close to me. I had to leave, leave her to mingle and talk to Nico.

I was not thinking clearly, but to be completely honest, it wasn’t the beer and a half I had in me. It was just that I was sharing a square meter with this person I had befriended only a couple months back and for whom, inexplicably, I already knew I’d do anything for.

It was an overwhelming feeling.

I was probably the biggest loser ever. 

Looking down at Alice, a small hum escaped my lips.

I found myself leaning into her vanilla scent, thinking weirdly that she smelled like cookies. She looked at me somewhere between puzzled, scared, and excited.

Her face slowly came to occupy my whole field of vision.

“Hey, you two!”